One long, lonely weekend, I set out to find the perfect guru to provide answers to life’s eternal questions.
I was certain that what I’d searched the world over for was now within my grasp: What is the meaning of life? Should I take the blue pill or the red one? When will pigs fly?
So, I turned to Siri, the voice-recognition assistant on my iPhone5. I didn’t always get a straight answer.
Me: What is the meaning of life?
Siri: I can’t answer that now, but give me some time to write a very long play in which nothing happens.
Maybe, she’d provide more insights into whether it’s better to remain blissfully ignorant of illusion or embrace the painful truth of reality. Neo’s options in the 1999 sci-fi film, The Matrix, for example:
Me: The blue pill or the red pill?
Siri: Either way … I’ll still be here when you wake up.*
Hmmm … I’m not really interested in seeing how deep the rabbit hole is. Maybe there’s another means of escape Siri can address.
On the subject of how many planes were overhead, Siri provided specific details about the airplanes and how high they were. But, then she got vague when I quizzed her on other aspects of flight.
Me: When will pigs fly?
Siri: OK. I found this:
a) When they grow wings.
b) When inserted into a circus cannon whose fuse is lit.
c) When they figure out how to buy plane tickets.
At last, some progress. When I tried to get personal, however, Siri became coy.
Me: Can you make me a sandwich?
Siri: I’m not really good with food.
Me: What do you look like?
Siri: In the cloud, no one cares what you look like.
Me: What is your real name?
Siri: I prefer not to say.
Siri: … and don’t call me Siri. (OK. I made this last part up.)
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Photo: Woman on her mobile phone, texting in traffic. Photo by: Flicker.com.user. “Mo Riza” – March 1-, 2006 http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/f/fc/Texting_in_traffic.jpg/600px-Texting_in_traffic.jpg
Photo: Siri on my iPod touch 5
* Answers from Siri vary. The response to the question “the blue pill or the red pill” came from “Siri Answers 20 Hilarious Questions” http://www.freemake.com/blog/siri-answers-20-hilarious-questions/
Video clip from the 1999 movie, The Matrix: The Blue Pill or the Red Pill http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zE7PKRjrid4
This is your last chance. After this, there is no turning back. You take the blue pill – the story ends, you wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe. You take the red pill – you stay in Wonderland, and I show you how deep the rabbit hole goes. Remember, all I’m offering is the truth – nothing more.