By Judy Berman
Esteemed management …
Let’s just say that I’ve been a stellar employee and be done with it. OK? There’s no need to rate my performance.
All that paperwork is just killing trees.
Seriously, I feel like I’m drowning in a tsunami of paperwork. I’m treading water just to stay afloat. Then, the final indignity: the annual review.
Hey! Who are you to judge me? You’re the one that thought that meltdown in Chernobyl was just to clear more space for parking.
My last review? All right, it was done years ago. Let’s just say the numbers weren’t impressive.
Out of a five-grading point system, I got a 2.8. A rating of 2 is transitional – whatever that means.
Now a commendable is rated 3. But I suspect that’s the equivalent of average.
From the talk around the water cooler, that’s the rank that many of my colleagues fell short of.
Including one who has been here since B.C. – Before Carbon dating.
Still, he bragged that he got a 2.85 – five-tenths higher than me.
I eyed him suspiciously and asked: “OK. Who did you pay off?”
His cryptic smile revealed nothing, but I knew that he knew where all the bodies were buried.
What amuses – and puzzles me – is I got a 3 for work relationships. You know, that’s the one you got in grade school for “plays well with others” and “shares toys.”
Next to that rating was an ominous asterisk with a note – “had some clashes with night editor.”
That might have been linked to the night that he made some changes to my story after I’d left for home. He slipped in a reference about the city official being a “mentally deficient, drooling numbers-cruncher.”
Thanks. He already refuses to take my calls.
Hmmm – 2.8! I know I could have done better than that.
Let’s see. If we have an outright brawl in the newsroom, tumbling around on the floor, gouging and kicking. … Maybe, just maybe, I can raise that to a 4 (superior) – or even a 5 (exceptional).
That’s the goal I’ll strive for next time.
Faithfully yours …
- Note: This humorous tale does not reflect my real relationship with any editors I had. They were the ones who often caught any errors in my stories before the paper hit the streets.
What’s your take on job reviews? Responses should be family-appropriate (and not the Manson Family either.) 😉
Photo: Jobs: Secretary typing while boss is giving dictation. Photographer: Georg Pahl (1900-1963). Attribution: Bundesarchiv, Bild 102-08112 / Georg Pahl / CC-BY-SA 3.0 https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/5/5e/Bundesarchiv_Bild_102-08112%2C_B%C3%BCro_im_Wasser.jpg
Photo: Frustrated man at desk – Author: LaurMG – Taken May 24, 2011. https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/c/c7/Frustrated_man_at_a_desk_%28cropped%29.jpg